Putting the ladies into their cab at 7:30 am it was apparent that they had a late night after I left them. I didn't ask for details. I finished packing and checked out so I could get to the train station and get back to Venice as soon as possible and wipe the memory of the cougars from my hard drive, so to speak.
About thirty minutes into the two hour train ride I went to the dining car for some coffee. I had a seat and took out my computer to check for correspondence and finish up my paperwork to send to the home office. There was a young man who was sitting at the next booth reading a Venice guidebook and making notes. I struck up a conversation with him, presuming it was his first time and assuming he was traveling solo since he had his backpack with him. His name was Jullion and he was coming from Rome to spend three nights in Venice before heading back to Boston. Small in stature, African American and more than slightly effeminate. I asked where he where he was staying and if he wanted some help in prioritizing the “must see” sights. Venice is kind of provincial and I wondered how comfortable he would be since he was apparently gay (I didn't voice this right off, obviously, but knowing there aren't that many outwardly-gay friendly places in town, I thought I could guide him to nightlife if I befriended him, if that was his angle.)
He told me he was staying with someone he met through the internet – on CouchSurfing.org. This was a stroke of luck. (But first,some backstory...)
In December I heard about the couch surfing phenomenon for the first time. It's a website where people looking to save money by doing homestays while traveling can request time with people willing to host them, all over the world. Seems like a great way for people without much money for a budget to travel to foreign cities without paying the prices for hotels and without the hassle of dormitory beds in hostels. I had pored over profiles of hosts in Italy and was quite disconcerted. Of course, it is always at the approval of the host who they want to take into their home and I didn't think I would be availing myself of the possibility. It seemed to me to be much more likely that the “younger set” would be okay with this. I read through profiles of mostly men in their 20s and 30s who had a preference for women staying with them, and the descriptions of the sleeping situations were less than desirable most of the time, for me. Shared sleeping space, or common sleeping area – seems like a lot of room for there to be a miscommunication of expectations in a situation like that, but if you're college-age and freewheeling, why not? Although communication is recorded and verification of your name and vital statistics is required for safeguarding (and covering their asses as the clearinghouse) who's to say that something untoward might happen to a solo female traveler? In my 20s, I probably would have been more game for this kind of travel, but it made me uncomfortable, seeing so many male hosts who prefer female guests. Eesh. It's not uncalled for to ask people to help out for food that they eat with you, some ask that you please help out with costs to share a meal and for utility use, but it's definitely supposed to be cheaper than a hostel and a means of cultural exchange and making friendships despite language barriers. I'm all for that side of things.
In January I dragged my friend Luke to a get-together in San Francisco one night. People can organize these meet & greets as a way for people visiting a particular city to meet up with people living in the area, whether they are staying on someone's couch or not. They organize hikes, parties, camping events – on the purely social organizing side I am all for it. I just get a little creeped out at actually looking to stay with a complete stranger who may have a different idea of how much you owe them for a place over your head for a few nights. I want to believe in the good in people, but I've had too many misconstrued friendly gestures in Italy, and I'm not a co-ed. I promised the hub-unit I would never use the website to stay at anyone's house.
At the get together I met a few people, and heard a sad story from one girl from Berkeley who had schlepped all the way to NYC for New Years only to have the host completely bail on her. Luckily she had a back-up, a friend of a cousin who let her stay after the host went silent on her phone calls, texts and even knocking on the door of the address she'd given her after corresponding for months. How awful! I also met a woman who was using couch surfing as a means to relocate to the Bay Area. She was staying more long-term for a few weeks with the guy who came with her to the event and trying to find a job so she could start a new life in SF. She was a little flaky (Luke christened her “Crazypants” after we had left) and I sincerely wished her luck. She wrote me the next day and asked if I knew of anyone she could stay with – the host had displayed a bit of implied reciprocity in his expectations of her staying there and was apparently quite a jerk about it. It's not a hotel service and outright charging a fee is not the aim in this project – it's set up to be a way for locals to share the culture and give budget travelers a means of staying for little money. Eesh. What a crappy and uncomfortable situation. Not for me.
I had created a profile and had put myself out there as a person who might be interested in having coffee or showing someone around in Venice during my time off. I also signed up for a community group for people who would be in Venice during Carnevale – I figured it would be a good way to meet more people to hang out with with Luke and Charlene visited, the more merrier and all that.(End of backstory...)
Jullion had been visiting old friends in Barcelona, Spain, where he had lived and taught English for three years after graduating from Boston University. He had found couchsurfing recently also, and had just come from his first stay with someone in Rome and had a great experience. So when Jullion told me he was staying with another couchsurfing host for his days in Venice I asked him which one, crossing my fingers that it wasn't the scary guy I had seen online. Of course it was!
This guy is named Massimo and he lives in Mestre, the closest town in the mainland from Venice. He has a weird fixation on wrestling, and sets up matches for his guests to try out wrestling. Yes, I kid you not. He has wrestling gear for people to wear (um, eeew) and he will either have a match with you after teaching you techniques or set you up with another guest or a friend if you are much less than his weight class. From the looks of things, it's pretty much demanded of any guest staying there. He has a good command of the English language and his profile is extensive, showing the matches he has lorded over – what countries the guests are from and what countries were matched up and who won. Okaaaay. But what is the worst about this guy is the aggressiveness he displays in terms of comments and references from his guests. Apparently this guy prides himself on his self-aggrandization for being the best host in the Venice area, if not all of Italy or Europe. If someone writes a neutral or negative comment about their experience with him he takes great strides to lambaste them about how they were a terrible guest for one reason or another, usually because they didn't respect the fact that he opened his home to them. He's a bully and it's very easy to discern this. He clearly expects a guest to wrestle with him and his crew, and if you unfortunate enough (thinking in his mindset) to be traveling with a female, they are relegated to kitchen duty. He is also clearly discriminating about the country you come from, evidenced by his comments about people from certain places being horrible people and stating he won't host you if you are from that place. He seems to be unclear on the concept that people come to the Venice area to actually see Venice, not wrestle some whackjob and support him by feeding him and doing his dishes. Weirdo.
So when Jullion said he had an agreement to stay with this guy I was worried. Jullion said he wasn't interested in wrestling at all and thought he'd be able to get the guy to understand he was there to see Venice, not take part in a match. I asked if he had thoroughly read through the guy's profile, like the negative comments and references. He said he hadn't; he had assumed since the guy was able to host so many in times in the past that everything would be copacetic. I was concerned because this guy also outwardly appears to be really homophobic, although I suspect there's some latent tendencies he doesn't want to get into or really accept. Really – someone who insists on men wrestling with them, providing them with gear on hand and taking photos of them in various holds and chastises those who refuse as being lesser kinds of men just strikes me as more than a little touched in the head.
I pulled up Massimo's profile to let Jullion read in full. His eyes kept getting wider and wider as he read on. I told him I didn't think it was going to be a comfortable fit – since this guy tends to throw people out who refuse matches. I gave him my mobile number and told him if it gets weird to call me. No questions asked – I would put him up for his stay. He got off the train in Mestre and I sincerely wished him good luck. That was at 10:30.
I dropped my things at the house and went to Mamma's for lunch. She had told me she would have it waiting for me when I arrived. Marco was working pretty much non-stop for then next couple of days so I doubted I would see him much, but that was no reason not to keep her company for some of the time while I had my days off.
After lunch I went back home and stopped at the market to stock up on food. I will be here for a few weeks straight, given that my next tour is based all in Venice for a week and then Luke & Charlene are coming in for Carnevale week. Now that the “LA” tour was canceled I have an additional ten days as well, and then another week long Venice/Veneto tour. I will be sleeping in the same bed for while and have access to my wonderful kitchen. Yay!!!
I totally feel like a resident of Venice now – I already have an Abbonamento – the paperwork and city “resident” card so I get discounts on transit and entrances to the sights, but now I have a Billa card! What does this mean? It's like the card you get at Safeway or Luckys that gives you discounts and coupons, so I have officially arrived as a recognized patron of Billa market. Don't be jealous.
At 2:30 I got a phone call from Jullion. He needed to leave Massimo's – it was clear they were not going to see eye to eye. Massimo had asked him straight off if he was a faggot. Ugh. I told him to get on the train across the water and I'd meet him immediately. It felt like a rescue to be honest and I'm more than happy to help. I got to the station and had him back at my place within the hour. Even if I didn't have a spare bedroom in the attic I would have given him a couch to get him out of there. I just am sorry he hadn't fully explored the writings of this guy to save him the discomfort and possible danger of his bullying ways.
We made dinner and talked for hours until late at night. He's a great kid – 26 and originally from Delaware. He's the first member of his family to go to college. He has just won a huge grant and scholarship to study at Johns Hopkins University in an International Communication Masters Program. He has been working with disadvantaged at-risk youths in the Boston projects. Good for you!
I am so glad I decided to have coffee in the dining car. I made a great new friend and he was made aware ahead of time of the impending doom. Things happen for a reason sometimes.
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