22 Novembre Tue – Il Giro di Addio

Took myself on my goodbye tour of the city. I packed my bag, took half my clothes in a space-bag over to Giudecca to Mamma's to store in a closet. This way I don't have to carry around an extra bag and I don't have to worry about weight limits on the plane. Went to my restaurants and said goodbye, went to the hotel and said goodbye. Called Frank and said goodbye. He was very happy to hear that things will work out and I will be back. Hopefully. I don't have that check in my possession yet, do I? They haven't given me a ”go” date for the next departure yet, have they? He laughed. It'll be fine, kiddo.

And I've been crying throughout the day, unexpectedly. Not unprovoked. I love these people. I love it here. I wish I could meld the two parts of my life together into one place that had both right there in my grasp.

Spent the evening with Mamma. She is happy to see me go home but sad that she won't get to see me daily, or weekly. We sat watching television, with her hand periodically patting mine while she chattered. She went to bed and she thanked me over and over for everything and I promised to call often, or write Marco and he could read the emails to her. “Cara Cara, Mia Kricka.”

Marco came home and we went back to my house. I gave him money to give to Signora Ferri for the utilities. I asked him if he thought I should give her more. When I contacted her she said we would work out the bills later. Marco said when the utility bill comes he will pay it to her directly. If anything more is owed he will take care of it. “It's the least I can can do for your help.”

We drank up the rest of the wine in the house and my limoncello. I hardly spent any time here, I didn't really drink anything, but you can't let it go to waste, no can you? I kicked him out at midnight. I told him that I'm terrified that the next time I come it will be for her funeral. And I was crying again. Dammit. Can't blame hormones either. He said “No no, we don't think it that way. You helped her. You made her go back to the hospital. You gave her your blood to make her better. She will be living when I am dead and buried.” Keep working like you do and it'll happen, pal. I told him he needs a vacation. ASAP. Come to California. It's not so damp and cold.

“Only if I come by boat. I don't like the flying.”

We really need that teleportation thing to get worked out soon. Come on, scientists, it's almost 2012 for pete's sake.